Kat (starfyer) wrote,
Kat
starfyer

  • Mood:

Heartburn

The problem with loving someone this much -- with loving them with all that I have to give and probably more, and more and differently than I ever have before, is that I'm so much more susceptible to hurt.

Or, not to hurt, but to feeling more intensely. Things that didn't scare me before scare me now. Or at least, threaten to fill me with the fear that I won't get to accomplish things or go places or do things with him, things I want to do, places I want to go, things I want to experience by his side.

I've had dreams and desires all my life, and now they include him. I made him promise to tour Europe with me someday.. I want to go on a cruise, I want to see a baseball game in every ballpark in the country, I want to go on a picnic (do you believe I never have?), live my life, do everything I've ever wanted to do.. with him.

It's funny how my life before him seems distant and blurry - like the unfocused points in a photograph that are somehow important to its composition, but far from the focus - clear, brilliant, and ever-defined in technicolor.

He is the bright, fire-engine red in contrast to the soft black-and-whites that exist around him. It bleeds out and my world is all a little red these days.

I like it that way.
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