Or, not to hurt, but to feeling more intensely. Things that didn't scare me before scare me now. Or at least, threaten to fill me with the fear that I won't get to accomplish things or go places or do things with him, things I want to do, places I want to go, things I want to experience by his side.
I've had dreams and desires all my life, and now they include him. I made him promise to tour Europe with me someday.. I want to go on a cruise, I want to see a baseball game in every ballpark in the country, I want to go on a picnic (do you believe I never have?), live my life, do everything I've ever wanted to do.. with him.
It's funny how my life before him seems distant and blurry - like the unfocused points in a photograph that are somehow important to its composition, but far from the focus - clear, brilliant, and ever-defined in technicolor.
He is the bright, fire-engine red in contrast to the soft black-and-whites that exist around him. It bleeds out and my world is all a little red these days.
I like it that way.